too personal.

as i begin to open up more to people and talk about what i have been going through, it has been a little easier than before. it is not exhausting because i preface it with a little speech and then blurt out..."i wanted to kill myself i was diagnosed as severly depressed im in therapy and on anti-depressants"

most people have been like, oh no i am so sorry this is happening to you, whatever you need let me know, you are going to get better in time i know it will take awhile but im glad you are ok.

then you have the people who infuse their personal opinions such as..."i dont believe people should be on medication its just a cover up" my answer to that is that you might not believe in abortion but if your 11 year old daughter winds up pregnant because shes been messing around, you might just change your mind. dont say a strong opinion until you are in the position of seeing both sides. SO if you are severely depressed you will probably be on medication, well actually i pretty much have NO choice from my doctor and therapist. you treat depression like any other illness you would never tell a diabetic to stop taking their insulin shots...get the picture?

other personal opinions are about therapy and how you just need to pray and all this religious jargon and bs cliches...i love jesus christ that is my partner my bestfriend and i read my bible and pray but i also know i need to go to therapy and take my medication if i ever want to get better. again depression is like any other illness.

then there is the ultimate personal question some people have asked:

"how did you want to kill yourself? how did you do it?"

and i am always disturbed by the question. for one, i feel it is so personal. second, why would you want me to revist that scene? and third, why do you want to know it just seems weird that somebody would want you to tell them the details of how you laid out your pills or chose which knife to cut yourself with or stood on the balcony about to jump or however you decided to make it happen. isnt that weird and disturbing. such a difficult question. a personal one. a question that isnt neccessary to ask...you should ask someone who is depressed how they are really doing and what they need to get better, how you can help them or others can help them in the recovery process. the how of suicide is reserved for the therapist and doctor. and i even felt weird telling them.

seems like most of these posts are about death.

i met with my friend and we talked about his depression and my depression. i will write about that conversation later.

I would suggest people interested in learning more to read Terrie Williams book "Black Pain" it is a great book on depression in the black community.