sleepless.

at first i couldnt sleep and then when the medication started i could sleep because the side effects were somnolence.

now that they have worn off i cant sleep.

and i need to want to because i am so tired of sitting here thinking of how much people have hurt me. thinking of how unfair things are because my life is no longer the same. my life has completely changed. i am no longer the person i used to be, i dont do the things i used to do and not in a way that i wanted to change but that my life was ripped apart at the seams. so while every one else continues to live their lives, continues to go to work and school and the clubs and get dressed nice and party and listen to music or read a book or watch tv or laugh with friends or cook dinner or do whatever they want to do living independently, i live with my mother and i do nothing but lay in bed and take my dog on walks, go to therapy and take my anti depressant medication.

so while every one continues to live their life, i dont. and that makes me the bad person.
not them, OH NO they are not selfish or mean or wrong because they cant take 4 minutes out of their regular lives to make sure i havent died yet.
but i am the wrong one. by their standards.

note to the world, never ever try to kill yourself or be depressed because you will lose friends and family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at a time when you NEED them the most.


going to find some sleep medicine if not then some benadryl and hopefully it works and i dont have to overdose.