(pic of the obama bag i painted. VOTE VOTE VOTE!! please go to http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/statepages to find your local office and contact them to see how you can volunteer the next few weeks to campaign for obama cuz i know you aint voting for Mc WACK and beauty queen wack-er)
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im restless.
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im restless.
something beautiful is about to happen.
i feel it deep in my spirit.
just dont know what it is...
when i find out ill definitely write about it.
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this weekend was good...
the show was crazy amazing Friday night in DC. I feel like i should write better than this about it. i will soon. maybe in another hour or maybe another day. I just wanted to write because i didnt feel like writing and what better way to break that feeling than by just doing it.
TODAY AT CHURCH...in va,
pastor started on a series last week about growing in christ. today he discussed the keys to growing. and he told us pretty much they are the Word of God, Prayer, and the Church. things that we already know.
BUT the really important part was the 3 keys he gave that work in unity with the previous keys.
1. HUMILITY---allows for pruning, allows for God to cut things away in our lives in order for growth. Pastor said that things happen and God will cut people out of our lives, cut things/places out of our lives, even personality changes in us.
WOW. hmmm i think that i have definitely experienced humility. and PRAISE GOD for cutting things out of my life that dont need to be there!!!! IT HURTS. change, growth all of those things hurt, but when the smoke clears and you are able to think and breathe deep and clear you start to understand a part of Gods plan...prayer and meditation are key to really understanding this...I am so thankful for humility. my depression was hard when i was first diagnosed but i am doing so much better and i know that it might take a little more time but i thank God that i am where i am today...
2. STABILITY---sometimes we have to stay where we are and not let the enemy or other people or things make us move out of where we are...this one was cool, not so much personal for me but i definitely thought of my mom and her ex-business partner who tried to push her out of the business due to her own selfish greed but that has not stopped my mom from moving on and beginning her OWN business...do it girl!
jealously is so ridiculous. i wish that the "crab" syndrome was not so ugly in the black community why cant we just all help each other be more successful?
3. CONSISTENCY---WOW. something that i have been talking about, consistency in relationships, but what about our consistency with God and prayer? Pastor said that it is better to do a little bit consistently than doing a lot inconsistently.
i feel it deep in my spirit.
just dont know what it is...
when i find out ill definitely write about it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
this weekend was good...
the show was crazy amazing Friday night in DC. I feel like i should write better than this about it. i will soon. maybe in another hour or maybe another day. I just wanted to write because i didnt feel like writing and what better way to break that feeling than by just doing it.
TODAY AT CHURCH...in va,
pastor started on a series last week about growing in christ. today he discussed the keys to growing. and he told us pretty much they are the Word of God, Prayer, and the Church. things that we already know.
BUT the really important part was the 3 keys he gave that work in unity with the previous keys.
1. HUMILITY---allows for pruning, allows for God to cut things away in our lives in order for growth. Pastor said that things happen and God will cut people out of our lives, cut things/places out of our lives, even personality changes in us.
WOW. hmmm i think that i have definitely experienced humility. and PRAISE GOD for cutting things out of my life that dont need to be there!!!! IT HURTS. change, growth all of those things hurt, but when the smoke clears and you are able to think and breathe deep and clear you start to understand a part of Gods plan...prayer and meditation are key to really understanding this...I am so thankful for humility. my depression was hard when i was first diagnosed but i am doing so much better and i know that it might take a little more time but i thank God that i am where i am today...
2. STABILITY---sometimes we have to stay where we are and not let the enemy or other people or things make us move out of where we are...this one was cool, not so much personal for me but i definitely thought of my mom and her ex-business partner who tried to push her out of the business due to her own selfish greed but that has not stopped my mom from moving on and beginning her OWN business...do it girl!
jealously is so ridiculous. i wish that the "crab" syndrome was not so ugly in the black community why cant we just all help each other be more successful?
3. CONSISTENCY---WOW. something that i have been talking about, consistency in relationships, but what about our consistency with God and prayer? Pastor said that it is better to do a little bit consistently than doing a lot inconsistently.
He said that we eat 3 hot meals a day, but feed our spirit 1 cold snack a week. said that some poeple only pray 1 hour a month instead of 3 minutes each day. wow. WOW. i dont know how people go to sleep at night with out prayer, you dont know what might happen to you while you are sleep!!! i cant make it through my days with out prayer and meditation all the time. my life is a constant prayer. maybe for me it is so important because i have been broken and torn so much to the point where i HAD NO CHOICE but to depend completely on God and pray consistently...
I thought about my old friend I spoke about before and how she has been so busy and lacked consistency in her friendships, but at church i thought, i would rather her never talk to me again than to be inconsistent in her relationship with God. I am willing to lose out on friends if it means they will draw closer to Jesus Christ. thats DEEP.
I am at peace right now. It was brought to my attention that I have a lot, and when i looked around i realized, I have everything I need. yeah so i dont have enough money to do what i need to do and pay all my bills, but i have a beautiful home to live in, i have food in the fridge and cabinents, i have a closet full of clothes and shoes and accesories, i have a tv, i have 2 bookshelves full of book, i have library cards to 5 different cities if i dont own a book i want to read lol, i have lots of arts supplies and paint and glitter and canvasses and beads to make whatever i want to create, i have my limbs to walk the puppy and to dance and stretch and move, i have a voice to tell and share and love, i have a mind to create and the ability to write and paint it out, i have two dogs to play with and love on and they adore me, i have a great mom who has sacrificed so much for me, a loving grandmother who is so funny, a new aunt who is more like my new 40 something best friend, i have some of the best sisters who should have been my blood sisters but blood dont mean nothing, a few brothers who love me unconditionally, but most of all I have GOD and I AM STILL ALIVE.
and me and daddy havent really had the best relationship the past 18 years and i could blame that on all the failed and dysfunctional relationships, friendships, and choices in my life but that was in the past...
daddy congratulated me on all my success saturday and sent me some money in the mail and before we got off the phone he said....
"hey, dont forget, I love you..."
and i love you. for loving and marrying a country girl named alice so that i could dance and break out of her womb as a savior of the people...
i will dance.
i will love.
i will save.
without reservations.
ps. i have gained my confidence back. i no longer compare myself to other people who really werent even on my level in the first place. i am stronger. than yesterday. than 90 days ago when i was contemplating killing myself. i am stronger...
I am at peace right now. It was brought to my attention that I have a lot, and when i looked around i realized, I have everything I need. yeah so i dont have enough money to do what i need to do and pay all my bills, but i have a beautiful home to live in, i have food in the fridge and cabinents, i have a closet full of clothes and shoes and accesories, i have a tv, i have 2 bookshelves full of book, i have library cards to 5 different cities if i dont own a book i want to read lol, i have lots of arts supplies and paint and glitter and canvasses and beads to make whatever i want to create, i have my limbs to walk the puppy and to dance and stretch and move, i have a voice to tell and share and love, i have a mind to create and the ability to write and paint it out, i have two dogs to play with and love on and they adore me, i have a great mom who has sacrificed so much for me, a loving grandmother who is so funny, a new aunt who is more like my new 40 something best friend, i have some of the best sisters who should have been my blood sisters but blood dont mean nothing, a few brothers who love me unconditionally, but most of all I have GOD and I AM STILL ALIVE.
and me and daddy havent really had the best relationship the past 18 years and i could blame that on all the failed and dysfunctional relationships, friendships, and choices in my life but that was in the past...
daddy congratulated me on all my success saturday and sent me some money in the mail and before we got off the phone he said....
"hey, dont forget, I love you..."
and i love you. for loving and marrying a country girl named alice so that i could dance and break out of her womb as a savior of the people...
i will dance.
i will love.
i will save.
without reservations.
ps. i have gained my confidence back. i no longer compare myself to other people who really werent even on my level in the first place. i am stronger. than yesterday. than 90 days ago when i was contemplating killing myself. i am stronger...
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