are you done?

i hate being depressed.

mainly because people are ready for you to be DONE with it.

they are tired of walking on egg shells.
they are tired of you crying.
they are tired of you not being the person you used to be.
they are tired of always asking you how you are doing and you not asking them how they are doing.
they want to deny you are depressed and do all this overly positive talk like: "you are NOT depressed, you are coming out of a hard time"

hmmm....

yeah right.

the other day my mom told me, "i think you are doing fine and you have come away from that place"

i was silent. bent my head down and continued eating my food. she noticed my silence and asked me "well what do you think?"

and i said...

I AM NOT DONE YET. I AM STILL GOING THROUGH THE PROCESS. I AM DEPRESSED.

when i am finished i will kindly send out text messages and email with exclaimation points and plan a big party to celebrate no more depression. but as for now i will continue to have up and down down down times and continue to go to therapy and continue to take these pills through fall, through the winter maybe the spring as the doctors have said...

its a process.
it doesnt finish up overnight.

i still got deep issues i will have to confront that i know i am not ready to deal with...