anger.

why am i so angry.

that is what i have to work on now.

i cried myself to sleep the other night for the first time in a long time. i started missing everything i lost. i cried so much i had to go let the dog in my room to sleep with me. i was scared.

well...

i am about to be not only unemployed, but also uninsured. as soon as the 30th of september hits. but hey there are so many people with out health insurance i guess ill make it. only problem is i have to stop my therapy sessions. ha. yeah. thanks.

which means i need to motivate myself to do better. to try to take on this task of freeing myself. it is about time i set my alarm clock to wake up in the mornings and actually get up and do some exercise and start my day with positive meditations or something. MAKE MYSELF WRITE. because i am a writer. and i have a million things to write. and i should do it while i have time.

i am getting better. but not all the way there.
a family member sent me a message saying they hope i am holding on and getting stronger and that they love me. i told them i am holding on. its down to a small thread, but im holding.

what i will release to the universe and God now is that there will be a day soon when i can say I AM BETTER. I AM STRONG. and I am finally free from despondency.

that will be a beautiful day....