being a good christian.

being a good christian is not always easy. especially when you are depressed. ha.

which is why i will miss my church back in maryland because Pastor Battle keeps it real no matter what.

Recently he has embarked on a 6 part series called "Stuck" which addresses emotional wellness and healing. This has been an amazing series so far. This past sunday he was on part 3. When he began he told us that we are made up of 3 parts: body, soul, spirit. This is in the scriptures. God wants us to be whole in each area but unfortunately we usually end up 2/3 whole. this is because we tend to develop our bodies by eating healthy and exercising, and developing our spirit by going to church, reading our bibles, bible study and so on, but we usually fail to develop and address the issues of our souls. which takes time and personal commitment. he said that it is so hard because the world says "get over it" and the church says: "just pray" or "you are too blessed to be stressed" when the issues of our emotional wellness need to be addressed outside of spiritual jargon etc.

wow.

so far the series has been sooooo great and has definitely help me grow spiritually as well as work with my soul issues and my depression.

you can watch the messages online at: http://www.zionchurchonline.com/sermons.php then click on the weekly sermon picture. i would suggest starting with stuck pt. 1 and then moving up to the next part. they are updated online each wednesday.

So, being a good christian can be hard. and Pastor Battle says he thinks Christians have the most emotional problems than anyone else because we dont know how to deal with our issues since we find ourselves tied to being "spiritual" but he gave an example of David in the bible and how the entire book of Psalms shows David going through his depression and issues, at one point he asked God to kill people and the next he was praising...look at that. it is normal to feel all kinds of ways...

Recently in lieu of the hurricanes, a friend of mine called and told me about one of the people who turned their back on me and how he was upset about the storm and didnt want to lose his things although his family had evacuated safely. she asked me to pray for him and to call him if i wanted to. i got extremely angry. i told her that i guess i had to pray for him since i was a christian but that i didnt want to talk about it with her anymore. she continued to tell me he cried and so i told her i cried many nights when i wanted to kill myself and when my so called friends left me.

i was angry because i felt like she did not have a right to call me and put that burden on me. he is no longer my responsiblity to care for. now i do not turn my back on people but here is the thing, it has been 2 months since i had my major episode and people left me, and this particular person still has NOT called me to check on me, to see if i was still alive or what, he never called and apologized for leaving me outside by myself after yelling at me knowing full well i could have just jumped in my car and drove off a bridge and when he let all that time go by with out a phone call, he let me know that i am no longer responsible for him. now, as a good christian, i did pray for him and all the families affected by the hurricanes. and i also had to ask God for forgiveness because i was so angry.

but what i have learned is that being a good christian has nothing to do with what you might think it does. being a good christian means being honest with yourself and God. yes you can get angry and you can punch a hole in the wall, you might just cuss somebody out, you might run off , you might do a number of things, but being a good christian means you have to go to God for forgiveness and ask him how you can deal with whatever issues you might have because he loves us all and he does not have any qualms with how we might respond he just wants us to live our lives better that we are and more like Christ.

So i didnt feel bad about being upset. i didnt feel bad about washing my hands, because at this point in my life, the people who dont want to be in my life dont have to be and i cant sit around and wait on them, i have to live my life. so i ask God to forgive me when i am angry and to help me and i keep it moving....

it is about surivial.
and i know somebody in this world feels me right now...