friday was the worst.
i shut the blinds. i missed my eye exam appointment. i lay in bed all day. in the dark. angry. upset. confused. frustrated. anxious. there was the negativity hovering over my bed the entire day. i hated myself. i hated my friends. i hated my family. i hated everything and everyone because i thought everybody hated me.
then my mom came home from work and came in the room and pulled my legs and tried to drag me out of bed. but i told her to leave and get out of my room.
finally i got up. and then i ate dinner. then i started cleaning the house and i felt a lot better.
i felt bad because something is wrong with me. i hate depression. like why does this happen? it makes me sick and disgusted that i can be so low and then slowly come back to "normal" or whatever normal for me has become the past few weeks.
even today i had the worst anxiety attack in the middle of the craft store. it gave me a headache and i couldnt breathe. and i was so upset. and i kept telling my mom sorry and thank you and i love you because it made me upset and i know that it hurts her that i get this way sometimes. maybe i need more medication. i think i will call the doctor. this sucks.
other than that this weekend is family weekend and ill write about that tomorrow.
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